Hello
with a heavy heart I'd like to share a friend's loss recently.
Her name is Jun, and she is someone I admire very much both as an artist and person, and was basically someone I looked up to during all of high school. Unfortunately her older brother, Geon, who was also an artist, both visually and musically, had passed at only 24 years of age after 2.5 years of fighting acute myeloid leukemia and germ cell tumor.  

Their family has a gofundme page to help cover the funeral expenses. I am in no position to ask for anything, but I really hope Jun and her family receives the aid they need. Any help is truly, sincerely appreciated.

Thank you for taking your time to read this.

www.gofundme.com/2sk36us

She also has an instagram art page, in which many of her drawings are of her brother. www.instagram.com/junkoart/

Thank you.

maybe because it's 7am or maybe it's my depression, but the feeling of giving up on whatever I keep doing on dA and Instagram is becoming more and more prevalent.
I see the new generation of young teens being hella good at art. unoriginal, but still good lol.
and then I just keep seeing popular new artists pop up with the same polarized, generic styles, which I can't and don't really want to conform to. and it's not like I want to compare myselves with others but it's kinda human nature and I can't help it??
Just recently art uni is taking a really negative impact and basically every day I'm just asking myself what if this is all for nothing? Like what if there's gonna be nothing for me, being a concept artist is unrealistic blah blah blah. 
sometimes I think maybe if I drop all this art stuff now and go for something else it won't be too late
idk...everything is so discouraging ugh
by the time I finished typing this I kinda feel stupid lol but whatever I'm a lost young adult!!  
i probably sound like some angsty dumbass teenager but I'm actually really struggling w life......

ANYWAY GHOST STORY TIME
last night in the dead of the night (2-3am) a single piano note played downstairs. everyone was asleep lol. It happened before last year but it was a different key...so it's definitely not the piano :'D Idk I told my friends/coworkers and some believed me, while some didn't and said that's gotta be some kind of animal...
There are no animals in my house...and my logic is that there has to be some kind of physical force to push down a key. so yeah I'm p sure there's some spirit in my house but at least it's harmless??? for now??? my dad was just like let it be, maybe it just wants to play piano LOL ; 7;.....
it was all so creepy because the day before I had a dream that things randomly started falling in my house. idk I have a weird relationship with my dreams. sometimes they are so realistic I can't even tell and mix them up with real life. I dream every day and remember it all. I also had my time with sleep paralysis and astral projection which was so trippy af but that's another storyy.
ANYWAY anyone have similar experiences with like random unexplainable shit happening??? or explanations??? ;w;

Ahh helloo !!! ider the last time I made a personal journal.
anyway I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year..and express gratitude for all the supportive comments, favs, birthday wishes and positivity you guys give me. I'm really thankful!!

2015 was very hard for me, I lost many friends who I thought cherished me as I did for them, been played by people, was under constant depression because of school, etcetera 
I will be starting my 4th semester in university. (omg I remember I made a journal about how hard high school is -- it's so scary how much time flies) My school is apparently #1 in US and #2 in the world for art & design which makes me feel..lucky? but besides the high prestige it also comes with a price - 70k+ a year!! what the fuck!! lmfao
I mean thankfully I received scholarships but the costs are still something my parents struggle with.
Often I ponder and then become really stressed out with the possibility becoming a failure(?) even after going to such a good school. I get so upset because I'm literally mentally, physically, and financially breaking down because of school and it might not even be worth it.
There are so many times I wanted to just drop everything and just work in retail or something, because that seems like the better resolution. Anyway, I digress a bit and I just wanted to say that 2015 was essentially very hard for me, my family, and I'm sure thousands of others and perhaps you too. Especially towards the second half of the year I was spiraling down into such intense depression I didn't get out of bed to eat, drink water, or do anything all day. I had to quit my part time job bc it was getting so difficult. My dad said it's selfish of me and that no one's to blame but myself, and that absolutely broke my heart. I guess traditional Korean parents wouldn't really ever understand the possible psychological problems society and school could have on the younger generation these days. It really fucks up with your conscious and self worth. I try very hard for him, for my family -- everything I do is for them. But it's sad that they don't see/notice the effects it has on me. It was also difficult because the amount of friends who just lost interest in me is truly distressing...and those close to me told me cutting them off is the best way to feel better. I'm not one to just easily cut ties - I mean who is?? but I had no choice. I guess I do feel a bit better, but simultaneously I do feel a bit numb...Nothing started to really excite me as it used to, and my favorite food places just became food to me (idk if that makes sense lol) anyway...

I know that considering 2016 as a time to start new and afresh is a bit naive, since nothing really changes, but I am hoping for the better. I want to give my body the rest it deserves, do well in school, drink lots of water, and improve on art. Dear reader, thank you for reading this. If you had any troubles or difficulties throughout this year, I'm sorry it happened to you. But we are here and although the whole new year thing is just a labeled event, let's hope that the upcoming year is good to us!!